Today was not a very good day

In 2008 I was busy planning my wedding. I was obsessed. My sister got me a wedding planner that weighed 50 lbs by the time I was done with it and I loved planning every aspect of my wedding. I worked on it day and night. I was 35 years old. I regularly see doctors because I've had severe asthma my entire life, I have a hole in my retina that needs to be checked yearly, and I always get physicals to make sure I'm OK. Doctors have never scared me. My primary told me that I probably should start getting yearly mammograms since I had just turned 35 and was adopted with no family history. I said OK and made an appointment. They had never seen my boobs before and had no baseline. I didn't know what to expect but I knew something was wrong when they told me they wanted me to get an ultrasound. I got the ultrasound and then they wanted a biopsy. I had to make an appointment and the wait was excruciating. I was totally freaking out. They told me there was a mass but they had no idea what it was until they biopsied it. They gave me stats saying the chances of it being cancer were low yadda yadda yadda but of course all I imagined was that I had cancer. I don't remember how long I had to wait because this was 9 years ago but it felt like forever. The day I had my biopsy my fiance/hubs drove me. I asked while I was on the table what it looked like and she said well to be honest it looks like cancer. I started crying. I was like 2 weeks away from my wedding. I was so upset. I don't remember how long it took to get the results but I got the call at work and my sister was there and I almost collapsed with relief when they told me it was just calcifications and nothing to worry about. Hallelujah! I was so relieved! I could proceed with my wedding and the rest of my life and everything was right with the world!

Today the opposite thing happened. My doctor called and told me I wasn't fine. My test results indicated a big problem.  He said he was sorry but that I needed an oncologist. And so it begins.